Today i had a successful viva exam! It lasted 2 full hours and it all went very well, the examiners were well satisfied by my defense. I experienced it as a stimulating, fair and enjoyable experience…i feel short for more words at this stage. I am wondering what is the ”life” of this blog from now on…the PhD is awarded, yet the  journey I embarked on continues…as is life, THANK YOU…time for rest.

ok…tomorrow is the big day! I am feeling restless in the anticipation of the PhD examination, in positive mood, although some normal nerves are on the way too. Until recently, the metaphor i had about going for the viva was that of going to give birth to my ‘baby dissertation’…but, the reality is that i have given birth to it, when i submitted, the thesis is already delivered (a baby cannot go back to the womb, once it is out, at its own natural time!)…now, the viva ritual feels as if am going to my ‘wedding’, that is the new metaphor…and how postmodern that is! Traditionally, people got married first and then had babies…nowadays, a couple may have a baby first and then get married…i have done none of those in real life but it feels like it is all happening in this PhD process…and as i complete, my wish is that the marriage and motherhood will happen in real life too…and i see, that i had to do the ‘processes’ internally first! It is all about ‘individuation’  (Jungian term, or the process of becoming a person, as Rogers would say) as my supervisor said yesterday. I am meditating on the ritual and am ready for it…i trust that the examiners will be ‘fair’ - this is my work and tomorrow is just the beginning of giving it out, to the world, for those who can be helped or inspired…OK!

The viva date is set and is approaching…i have been reading my thesis so that i am ‘in touch’ with it and taking some notes. I am feeling calm and rather stoic about it, i am aware that there will be an expected ammount of nervousness the couple of days before and on the day and am accepting about it…however, i would say that i am feeling confident – whatever will be, will be as the song says – and i have the sense that things will go well, meaning fair. I met with my supervisor yesterday and he is quite confident about my ability to deal well with ‘defending’ my work, we were laughing at some point about the fact that i seem calm about it, i said: “I wonder whether i shall be more stressed” . I feel that i have given to this PhD all i had to give, the process unfolded with me being deeply in touch with myself and i think that i offered the best i could, at least based on what i understood at a ‘conscious’ level. I am anticipating that the ‘ritual’ of the viva will be something that i can even enjoy…so, am keeping positive

It is a unique day today…after a couple of months that have been full  with hectic work, physical illness and processes that i cannot voice in this blog, i have finally managed to ‘deliver’ this ‘baby thesis’…after a ‘pregnancy’ that lasted 4 years!  I printed the first final copy today, in the next couple of days i have to print another 2 copies of 314 pages each, do the binding, attend an appointment for electronic submission and then do the final ‘hard copy’ submission at University…it all feels a bit unreal and strange…i feel a sense of relief as well as bit of fear about what lies ahead, not necessarily academically speaking, but more around my life, especially the shifts of identity that occured due to the phd process…let’s see what happens…viva will be around mid-july…the journey continues

My target has been to complete, print and bind a first full draft of the phd thesis, to give to both supervisors by 1st of March and i did make it today! I have been feeling emotional about it, for many reasons that are linked to the connections between the phd and my personal life but my aim was to complete the task of having a full draft at this stage. I am aware that there is still work to be done but i  have to let it go for now and take a breath and rest, till i meet with my supervisors in about 3 weeks time and we discuss their feedback and steps forward…i need some sleep and yet ‘life still happens’ and so many issues that have been on hold due to the phd process are screaming out for my attention…so, taking deep breath and keep going while taking time to stay still and reflect…