I have started working on the Discussion chapter this week, trying to be more focused. I have not been sure where to start from and how to flow in my thinking since the meaning-making process is still taking place, it is not crystallised yet…maybe it can’t be. I write in a ‘patchwork’ sort of mode, a few paragraphs here and there, without cohesion at first, just trying to put some ideas on paper when they come in my mind and think of some headings for this chapter etc etc. I realise that there is a shift in my mode of being and thinking: so far, the research has been mostly ‘doing things to me’. Now that i have to discuss my research and find ways of expressing my ‘contribution to knowledge’ as a result of doing it, it is me that needs to take a more active role (not that i have been any passive but my immersion has had huge impact in my lived experience)….now it is me that needs to make an impact, to find the gems of what i have been exploring and looking for, like when one finds the ‘diamond’ in the mud and work needs to be done to bring it out, it all its shining…so,  having realised that new way of  needing to approachmy writing now, ‘the penny dropped’ in some way…but, there is yet another transition taking place in that shift, it is yet another liminal space and am IN it now…things sometimes feel as if one is trying to ‘catch water in a net’…i trust that i will find a flow for this chapter too, i keep going…keep walking…the journey continues…

It is a few weeks now that i have been trying to write a chapter that i will place before the methodology one in my Thesis, where i present ‘my own story’ in relation to how it links to the PhD topic, given that i am very much ‘data’ of what i am researching and my lived experience of the inquiry is inevitably influencing all the stages of the research process, from chosing the topic itself to my interaction and meaning-making of the data and the writing style. I find this a difficult section to write, i start and stop and find myself facing numerous decisions around who am i writing what for, how far do i go with self-disclosure and what are the motives around that, what is relevant and what is not and so on. … Read more »

It is a couple of weeks that i am trying to draft the Findings chapter of the Thesis, as a first attempt of doing something more focused and organised…and finding it hard and slow process. I have written down a general outline of how the ’scaffolding’ of the chapter would be and what it may include, i showed it  to my supervisor and he encouraged me to proceed with it. The target a have set for myself is to have something written before i have supervision again so that we can talk with things on paper. As i am trying to write, i see that the data is still all cluttered in my head and in my ‘ raw papers’ of transcripts if you like, although i have done some work with finding important verbatim quotes from participants and so on.

I think that what is happening is that i am trying to construct meaning whilst am looking at the transcripts and reading the participants’ stories. I am writing a couple of paragraphs for each participant so that i can introduce them to the reader and i see that this may take up a lot of word count. I am doing this now without thinking too much about it and will decide later, in supervision, whether i will leave at the main body of my text or in an appendix. As i read the transcripts to remember the stories and write the portraits, i am also finding the quotes that seem significant. I haven’t used any package to systematise those and i do wonder sometimes if i should have done but actually i think that this would not suit my methodology which requires that i have more freedom with the handling of the data rathern that squeezing in boxes etc…at this stage, i am accepting that it is all confusing still and that it will be getting more clear as i write and re-write, even if that is going slow for now…the more clear it becomes, the more easily it will ‘write itself’ .

…very slowly really! i wrote 1300 words today in the theme of home and belonging. Not cause i had an idea where i will put it in the thesis, just cause it felt right or ready to start writing about it. I think that i have been trying to make a structure of chapters and then start writing but maybe this is not the way to go about it. Heuristically speaking, something needs to be ‘ready’ to be written inside me. This process creates a sense of anxiety inside me in terms of time management and whether i will manage to finish within my timeline, if i  continue like this. On the other hand, i am taking into account Jeni’s (and my supervisor’s advice at times) that i shall trust the process and then it will all come together…i hope!

wat frustrates me is that i feel like i want to dive into the literature and start writing the methodology and Lit.  Review chapter…BUT…i have been avoiding my data and data analysis and this is hanging around with potential unpredictable problems/ issues to resolve without having a closer look at it…so i have to do that analysis job actually and i feel drawn at different directions. Maybe i shall look at transcripts and write heuristic summaries of them till 1st October and then decide on next steps. in the meantime, i will be reading what attracts my interest,in natural flow, and type interesting quotes…i may not know now where i will use them but if sth catched my eye, i know i will use it in my writing at some point, at least…time to sleep now!

How exciting it is to see one’s writing in print! The editor from Thresholds journal emailed me today with the pdf of my publication which will be out soon…it is my reflexive report for the conference in India during January, titled: “Namaste: Spirituality and Cultue meet in Bangalore”. I really enjoyed writing this piece and i also love the photos that Chris chose to publish alongside my paper. This trip and conference offered me so much insight around spirituality anc culture, as related to my personal path but also my counselling PhD study. I am looking forward to see the response from the readers, am sure that my supervisor and fellow travellers from the PhD team will also be as excited! NAMASTE is now my favourite, soulful greeting…