It is a few weeks now that i have been trying to write a chapter that i will place before the methodology one in my Thesis, where i present ‘my own story’ in relation to how it links to the PhD topic, given that i am very much ‘data’ of what i am researching and my lived experience of the inquiry is inevitably influencing all the stages of the research process, from chosing the topic itself to my interaction and meaning-making of the data and the writing style. I find this a difficult section to write, i start and stop and find myself facing numerous decisions around who am i writing what for, how far do i go with self-disclosure and what are the motives around that, what is relevant and what is not and so on. … Read more »

It was 5th September 2001 when i first arrived to the UK, it is 7 years ago like today that i flew from Athens to Manchester and took my first ’step’ on the new land and the whole new journey of my life…here i am with the magic number 7 again, it feels as if a cycle gets complete and a new beginning is being made; in that, i find a significant inner process taking place in terms of my relationship with my original and host cultures and the sense of ‘home’ inside…One of the most challenging feelings I have been struggling with since i emigrated has been the sense of non-belonging anywhere, an awkward feeling of alienation towards my original culture, Greece and a draining feeling of battle around what i have been feeling that the host british culture has provoked in me as a result of finding myself in a ‘foreign land’.  It is a long time now now that i have been talking around both the positive and difficult aspects of the experience of moving between cultures, without actually finding peace within them. But now, it is such a feeling of relief  to be realising that, actually, something has changed…and i see that this is a result of undertaking this PhD project where i have neen wrestling for so long with this very phenomenon of the impact of immigration on identity (and having the counselling/psychotherapy perspective to be giving me a frame towards discovering a meaningful narrative around it) … Read more »

I was walking down the road yesterday morning and i met a friend. she asked me: “so, how is the PhD going?”…I paused for a bit to think of how i could capture the sense i have at the moment and replied by saying: “well, it feels like driving a van. It is huge, needs a lot of manoeuvring and you dont have a clear sense of its ‘body’, you dont have visibility of the edges of the vehicle, just a general sense of it but still you keep driving, turning, accelerating, pushing the brakes, looking at mirrors and constantly loading and off-loading”. My friend looked at me and said: “wow, this is such a demonstrative metaphor…i once applied for a PhD too but eventually didnt start cause i was scared it would take over my life”. I responded by saying: “well, it does, at least at some point, it needs your full attention…like when you are on the wheel…but you become experienced driver as the time passes and more confident on the road”.

Thinking about this metaphor…I must admit that i have always been a good driver. I gained my license since i was about 19 and i have driven in both sides (left and right) without EVER having any accident. I was also told that i look confident on the wheel and people have felt comfortable when riding togeher…but i have only driven small cars so far…not a van! and i dont think i look like a big guy with a moustache and tatoos, with a cigar in my mouth like some van drivers i have seen….lol…well, here i am now though, with a PhD that does feel like trying to manoeuvre a big vehicle…and i do like i always did as a driver…keep driving, even if i felt a bit on edge at times…it then became automatic and natural…is that the same with a van? or will i eventually feel that it is not a van anymore but just my own vehicle that i will have known well and maybe had become the ‘extension of my body’ like i feel with a normal sized car?

During the last couple of weeks, i have had some strong processes in terms of the research journey, i have been having vivid dreams and images that relate to the thesis and how i will write it, how it will lool like. I have noticed that this feels quite personal and i have avoided describing any of this in the blog, although it is ‘data’ that will go into the Thesis, i guess there are decisions to be made in terms of the extend of self-exposure i wish to make and at what stage of time. I had dreams about the methodology chapter and an image that describes it in an allegoric form. i have also written a poem that includes symbols, concepts and meanings of this process. In heuristic terms, it looks like i am moving between the illumination-explication-creative synthesis stages, as described by Moustakas(1990). To quote what seems to represent what is happening for me now, as a researcher:

“The process of illumination is one that occurs naturally when the researcher is open and receptive to tacit knowledge and intuition”(p. 29) – i do feel that i am quite intuitive at present, so some creativity is kicking in

in the creative synthesis phase, the components of what is to be expressed “may be expressed as a poem, story, drawing, painting, or by some other creative form”(p.32) – i do feel i am in creative mode as i am examining the images in my dream, the poem i have written, my attempts to draw and express what is immanent

i will come back to the blog when it feel right…the Thesis is trying to get into some shape…it is like when a baby gets conceived and the organs/tissues develop and form week by week… 

I have been feeling frustrated lately cause time flies and i feel the need to start writing up pieces of the Thesis and have a sense of producing something which hasnt been possible till now a. cause am still in analysis stage and b.cause of my engagement with the topic that often leeds to enmeshment that doesnt help with writing up. However, i had a dream last week where my supervisor was advising me to start writing up the Methodology Chapter, parallel to working on transcripts. We had supervision yesterday and we tried to see what this chapter would include. what we came up with as possible subheadings is: … Read more »