In heuristic research, everything that the researcher lives is ‘data’, the topic becomes vivid during day and night times…in different forms, even in dreams. I was reading and writing bits in pieces yesterday around the relationship between moving between cultures and the sense of ‘home’ and i know that i have wrestled a lot around the fact that i havent reached the well-desired stage of integrating my two cultures and finding a sense of ‘at home-ness’, which is quite anxiety provoking…it’s sth that is a dominant theme in my life and it seems like it will be for a while, until i settle and reach that level of ‘integration’. And tonight I saw this following dream whose meaning occupies my mind: … Read more »

Today I read the following powerful quote, which demonstrates vividly aspects of my experience of living between two cultrures:

“And ,now that life had so much promise in it, they resolved to go back to their own land; because the years after all, have a kind of emptiness, when we spend too many of them on a foreign shore. We difer the realitu of life, in such cases, until a future moment, where we shall again breathe our native air; but by-and-by, there are no future momenst; or, if we do return, we find that the native air has lost its invigorating quality, and that life has shifted its reality to the spot where we ave deemed ourselves only temporary residents. Thus, between two countries, we have none at all, or only that little space of either, in which we finally lay down our discontented bones. It is wise, therefore, to come back betimes, or never”

Nathaniel Hawthome, The Marble Faun (1860/1990)

 This is something that needs to be continued when i am more emotionally stable with it but I am making a start here and will continue this post later on. In an attempt to reach some integration of cultural identity, it is important that I monitor and acknowledge the ways I have experienced being ‘out of culture’ and all the psychological impact that this entailed. In that, there is a hope around the quote: “to lose the self is to gain oneself”… … Read more »

Yesterday i had quite an ‘intensive’ supervision session with W. and i have to do a lot of work now to clarify things about my research proposal etc…I am deeply grateful to W. for being such a good companion to all this journey, we have a very good working alliance and i receive a lot of support from him. My difficulty lies on the fact that my concentration is very low due to my personal grievings and frustrations in my personal life (which also affect my sleep patterns etc, i need to rest more so that i can produce ideas and be able to write etc). Anyway, during early hours this morning, i had a dream that seems to be telling me sth about my research proposal but i cant quite remember the details … Read more »

There is a lot am going through at the moment at a personal level, i am more or less alone in the inner battle and i have to find a way through coming on the other side and finding some balance with as much congruence as possible within myself. i am feeling very anxious that this coincides with a very demanding period at the university, where i have to ‘perform’ out there when in reality I am in a period that requires withdrawal and inner healing instead…what a conflict really…at moments like that, i seek sollace to certain scripts. What came as appropriate now is the Hindu Bhagavad Gita (Celestial Song – described as an indespensable travel guide for all who want to joureny On the Way) and more specifically the image/character of the Charioteer. In a web entry i found the following summary: … Read more »