Atrapos.eu » PhD management

the day before…

atrapos — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 10:38:36 +0000

ok…tomorrow is the big day! I am feeling restless in the anticipation of the PhD examination, in positive mood, although some normal nerves are on the way too. Until recently, the metaphor i had about going for the viva was that of going to give birth to my ‘baby dissertation’…but, the reality is that i have given birth to it, when i submitted, the thesis is already delivered (a baby cannot go back to the womb, once it is out, at its own natural time!)…now, the viva ritual feels as if am going to my ‘wedding’, that is the new metaphor…and how postmodern that is! Traditionally, people got married first and then had babies…nowadays, a couple may have a baby first and then get married…i have done none of those in real life but it feels like it is all happening in this PhD process…and as i complete, my wish is that the marriage and motherhood will happen in real life too…and i see, that i had to do the ‘processes’ internally first! It is all about ‘individuation’ (Jungian term, or the process of becoming a person, as Rogers would say) as my supervisor said yesterday. I am meditating on the ritual and am ready for it…i trust that the examiners will be ‘fair’ - this is my work and tomorrow is just the beginning of giving it out, to the world, for those who can be helped or inspired…OK!

It is getting real…

atrapos — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 20:04:26 +0000

The viva date is set and is approaching…i have been reading my thesis so that i am ‘in touch’ with it and taking some notes. I am feeling calm and rather stoic about it, i am aware that there will be an expected ammount of nervousness the couple of days before and on the day and am accepting about it…however, i would say that i am feeling confident – whatever will be, will be as the song says – and i have the sense that things will go well, meaning fair. I met with my supervisor yesterday and he is quite confident about my ability to deal well with ‘defending’ my work, we were laughing at some point about the fact that i seem calm about it, i said: “I wonder whether i shall be more stressed” . I feel that i have given to this PhD all i had to give, the process unfolded with me being deeply in touch with myself and i think that i offered the best i could, at least based on what i understood at a ‘conscious’ level. I am anticipating that the ‘ritual’ of the viva will be something that i can even enjoy…so, am keeping positive

…delivered…

atrapos — Sun, 23 May 2010 12:42:45 +0000

It is a unique day today…after a couple of months that have been full with hectic work, physical illness and processes that i cannot voice in this blog, i have finally managed to ‘deliver’ this ‘baby thesis’…after a ‘pregnancy’ that lasted 4 years! I printed the first final copy today, in the next couple of days i have to print another 2 copies of 314 pages each, do the binding, attend an appointment for electronic submission and then do the final ‘hard copy’ submission at University…it all feels a bit unreal and strange…i feel a sense of relief as well as bit of fear about what lies ahead, not necessarily academically speaking, but more around my life, especially the shifts of identity that occured due to the phd process…let’s see what happens…viva will be around mid-july…the journey continues

first thesis draft to supervisors

atrapos — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 14:10:00 +0000

My target has been to complete, print and bind a first full draft of the phd thesis, to give to both supervisors by 1st of March and i did make it today! I have been feeling emotional about it, for many reasons that are linked to the connections between the phd and my personal life but my aim was to complete the task of having a full draft at this stage. I am aware that there is still work to be done but i have to let it go for now and take a breath and rest, till i meet with my supervisors in about 3 weeks time and we discuss their feedback and steps forward…i need some sleep and yet ‘life still happens’ and so many issues that have been on hold due to the phd process are screaming out for my attention…so, taking deep breath and keep going while taking time to stay still and reflect…

Happy New Year!

atrapos — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 20:33:03 +0000

Well…long time again since i have posted a note in the blog…life has taken over and in terms of writing, the attention is on producing the Phd Thesis…this new year’s resolution: i dedicate myself in completing the Phd by this summer 2010…and then work on the new phase of my life, with new energy and new wave of creativity, where work-life balance is a priority…am looking forward to completion and having free-er time available!

Peer debrieferes

atrapos — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 15:49:28 +0000

I just want to make a not on how useful it is to have certain peers available to read sections on the thesis and offer feedback. In Creswell (2007) peer review or debriefing is presented as a strategy for validation of one’s research. In Lincoln and Cuba (1985) the role of the peer debriefer is seen as ‘devil’s advocate’ in an attempt to keep the researcher honest and ask the challenging questions that would “provide the researcher with the opportunity for catharsis by sympathetically listening to the researcher’s feelings” (Creswell, 2007: 208). I am thankful to the peers that read my writins and offer such a creative, validation-checking process and further opportunities for sharpening my reflexivity.

Creswell, J.W. (2007 -2nd) Qualitative Inquiry & Research Design: Choosing Among Five Approaches. London: Sage.

Lincoln, Y.S. & Guba, E.G. (1985) Naturalistic Inquiry. Beverly Hills, CA: Sage.

busy,busy,busy…but seeing more clearly ahead!

atrapos — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:00:43 +0000

am very busy with so many things these days and time flies so quikly! PhD writing is still hard but am making some progress, the more i go into it the more i discover. A shift that has happened now that i am writing the Discussion chapter, which feels like the hardest so far, is that i start identifying and seeing more clearly the useful practical implications emerging from my research, aside making a great contribution to knowledge/Literature on a topic where literature is actually limited or too fragmented….so, over last weekend and during this week, i have been contemplating on the different ways i can generate work for me, after the PhD, and offer a lot of what comes out in my research and personal experience in the form or workshops, training material, writing papers and so on…that filled me with feelings of both excitement and fear, like it usually happens when one finds his/her niche or calling of what he/she can contribute to, out there, where there is a need….the important thing is to stay grounded with what i have to complete in the present, whilst taking steps (maybe i can dedicate one day a week in planning and organising material for my future career possibilities, once i complete the PhD) towards what i want to build upon, as a basis for the future step…part of me is in the present, part in the future, i need to keep a balance and use my energy resources wisely. I am aware that i feel physically, emotionally and intelectually tired so, looking after myself is crucial at this stage.

‘writing up’ progress (the 2 wheels of the bike)

atrapos — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 15:01:41 +0000

Writing is not easy. Having drafted my Findings, I set up to do the Discussion chapter and i soon found that i got
stuck, i have some good days and bad days, i kind of have a
blockage of words flow sometimes cause i think i need to have the juice of the research ready to be articulated…which is not easy, i need to THINK and UNDERSTAND and produce the NEW MEANINGS before i can write them…this is happening gradually. To overcome that and not waste precious time, i also started working on the Literature Review and i found that maybe doing those 2 chapters parallel may be the way forward…that way, i have some sense of progress. when i get stuck in the Discussion bit, i go into the Literature and write something there…then, something i have read there kind of helps me write something in the Discussion….it is like the two wheels of the same bike. My supervisor has been advising me to proceed by trial-and-error and find out what works for me so that is ok. also, i have sent my findinsg draft to my 2nd supervisor and expecting some feedback from her….my progress feels very slow but i am trying to stick with it and respect my natural flow, writing needs inspiration, heuristic process needs time to reveal its seeds and can’t be forced so, although the clock is ticking, i trust that i am doing the best i can. I am generally feeling tired which means i need some holiday too, even if it for a week, i will see what i can do in August, depending how my writing goes and my energy levels. I feel supported by the fact that other PhD students i talk to feel in a similar way at this stage…

Thesis writing is ‘cooking’

atrapos — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:05:27 +0000

This is just a quick update as it has been a while that i haven’t written in this blog. My PhD clock is ticking fast and i am concentrating on thesis writing which is quite demanding, therefore i find that i am so immersed into this text that adding text to the blog has taken a back seat…it is so useful though for me to be finding resources from earlier readings and processes in the researh recorded in here, in this virtual space of my research, that i can copy and paste and work on further in the main body of my thesis…i feel like a chef (researcher) at the moment that i am cooking my stew (thesis)…i am experimenting with the ingredients and creating new dishes for each chapter. Good food needs slow cooking at different temperatures…this is where i am at right now…i just hope that i dont put on too much weight (phd writing makes me hungry…especially for chocolate …lol…i bought a second-hand exercise bike, it is in the office, i saw the cleaner of our department ‘flirting’ with it one of these days…she said that she needs one of those too!)

baby steps

atrapos — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 18:44:44 +0000

I have established a routine in relation to the PhD work to help me structure my day in a way that this is actually my F/T job and am treating the writing process as such. However, although i spend hours in front of the screen or with papers etc, there are actually baby steps towards producing my thesis, my pace is not as i would like to – i know that this is due to the fact that i am processing things and also, now that i am trying to write the auto-biographical section i will include before the methodology chapter, i see that i am kind of regressing and resisting it due to the emotions that it provokes. However, when sharing this with my supervisor earlier today, i heard myself telling him that i am seeing this as a kind of ‘cleansing’ process almost, it seems that i need to write my story first before i immerse to the data again and work on the participants’ stories. I wished i could do all that at a quicker pace but am trying to be patient…the Heuristic process is highly engaging and demanding and cannot be forced…the baby takes time to grow so i am being a kind, nurturing ‘mother’ to my thesis

every little helps…

atrapos — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 16:11:40 +0000

I went to a birthday party last night where there were a few students who either have recently completed theis Phds or are in the process of completing and had very fruitful conversations with them about the writing up process…none of them had finished within the original deadline and that was reassuring, especially for qualitative studies. we also talked about the important of self and time management and acknowledges that life events or health related issues do get on the way at times and it is good to be patient with that and allow oursleves for ‘recovery periods’ too. Hopefully i will find the specialist needed to treat my tooth as soon as possible, in the meantime am doing as much as i can, when the painkillers tame the toothache that causes headache too, and i see that ‘every little counts’ towards the end result of the thesis. I notice that i cant be away from it cause if i am losing touch then it is hard to get attuned with it again…so, am taking small steps at present and am sure that will conytibute to my working longer hours when i am stronger, i am positive that it will all go well, i was even telling to a colleague yesterday that i want to be coming towards ‘loving’ my thesis now, rather that be in a battle with it, due to the stress and the challenges it entails!

in pain and frustrated….but health comes first!

atrapos — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 23:31:37 +0000

well….as i was getting really fresh and prepared to dive into getting on with writing my thesis, i am disrupted once again, how frustrating!!!! it is a week now (the first week of the new year) that i am in pain due to a terrible tooth problem that i now know that requires surgery – it will be a painful, costly and time-consuming procedure that is just messing up all my programme…i can’t work with such a headache! and i feel more stressed as all this takes me away from the deadlines i have set up for myself, in unpredicateble ways………..but what can i do?? a friend reminded me today that in the end of the day, if i am not well and healthy, i can’t work…i have to accept it even if i dont like it and exercise patience without allowing the stress to take over…..writing the PhD is hard enough job to do, even if one is well….am just irritated cause i was now getting into creative mode and i cant follow it really, when in physical pain….will see C. tomorrow for supervision at least – so, phd writing is now ‘on hold’….i am trying to do some reading, if i have clear mind, to keep in touch with it, at least…

Sunday writing…

atrapos — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 18:42:04 +0000

It is Sunday and i have been sitting on my desk since early afternoon, continuing with writing a first draft of the methodology chapter. I am feeling quite stressed, as the more i write, the more i realise the size and blur areas of the research or what is still in process in my understandings. There is no other way forward than to ‘keep writing’ like one would just ‘ keep swimming’ if in the middle of the ocean, until the next rock or piece of land becomes visible…i see that from now on i have to work in more dedicated mode, with less holidays and less free time…the weekend is no ‘free’ period when doing a PhD, unless one is very well organised and with strict time or mood management. I find it impossible to discipline myself in such a way as i notice that for this piece of work, i need to be following the moods of inspiration and inner flow that are not that predictable. I have the discipline of sitting on my desk and reading and so on but the writing flow comes at its own mood and timing, and i am doing my best to be ‘attuned’ with that and stay creative. The blog writing is ‘on hold’ as my priority is the Thesis writing. so, the blog has a different function for now, helping me as an archive and reminder of the PhD process, my personal library that i use now to find useful quotes and extracts for my Thesis

practicalities and organising

atrapos — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 23:09:29 +0000

I find myself feeling quite stressed out around oganising my time whilst having a a flow of thinking, reading and writing the thesis. I realy cannot believe how time flies so quickly and when i look what i have actually produced in terms of text, this is not much at all, although several PhD students that i have spoken with told me that they were at similar stage of productivity. I know that this is very much due to all i have been recovering from during the PhD years so far in my personal life and i know that to be really on time or manage the demands of what the PhD requires, I would need to have everything else more or less stable which was not at all and those events where beyond my control. So, in the light of this realisation i know that i shall be compassionate towards myself too. ..However, the truth is that PhD thesis writing needs to be the top priority now, even if other areas of my life that appear urgent too need to wait – simply cause the more i work on the PhD and the sooner i manage to complete it, the more clear space and time i will have for everything else.

Although i started working on the Findings chapter about a month ago, i figured out that it is very confusing and time consuming and it leaves me with the feeling that although i may be spending a whole day in front of the PC, not much gets complete (although i have completed just over 10.000 words). For this reason or cause i need to comfort my anxiety around having the sense that something IS actually getting done, i decided to engage with the literature again and try to write the methodology chapter by the end of November. I will then have at least a chunk done (maximum 15.000 words). When talking to my supervisor today, we also kind of concluded that i need to writing about 8-10.000 words per month from now on, if it is to be able to hand in a first draft by the summer, at least! This feels daunting and i do not feel that the heuristic process i am going through can be really forced…but then, I need to do what i can and evaluate maybe a bit later the quality of it, given the challenges of the topic and methodology