Atrapos.eu » Reflexivity

‘Iteration’ in qualitative research

atrapos — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 18:03:54 +0000

I have been struggling in my writing with the idea that a PhD chapter cannot get to a stage of completion or coherence in order to move to a next one, i seem to start and stop several writings at the same time, having to return to them numerous times too and getting frustrated with the feeling of costant ‘incomplteteness’ that fills me with anxiety…that state of ‘flux’ and ‘limbo’ is of course a central theme in the whole phenomenon i am exploring and in the research process.

I went to see my supervisor, seeking his guidance for me to move away from that kind of ‘trap’. And here he came talking to me about this being a natural process that is best to accept and embrace than resist, something that he describes with a new english word for me: ITERATION. This is apparently a concept used in Maths and Computer Programming to describe “the act of repeating a process usually with the aim of approaching a desired goal or target or result”. So, i was advised that, at this stage of my attempt to draft a whole of a PhD Thesis, i need to have the patience and useful attitude to be ‘repeating’ parts of the process or move around several parts and constantly add the changes that emerge through the process of writing, till reaching a point that the thesis will ‘hand together’ as a good enough whole. That has been happening anyway in all my projects of academic writing so far…but, i am now taking a new, grounded stance of acceptance and embrace for it…encouraging myself for all these ‘re-visits’ upon my text…till i complete…and, as it is usually true for the therapy process: “a client is ready to complete therapy when he/she realised that it can actually go on for ever”…so, there is the broader issue here about creativity and finding one’s way to express it, knowing that there are several attempts till producing something that sits comfortable…and, although that can be on-going, there is also a point that the writing will have to stop, and that will be ok, at least for the purposes of a PhD

‘the penny dropped’…but, time is needed for the new mode

atrapos — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 12:43:53 +0000

I have started working on the Discussion chapter this week, trying to be more focused. I have not been sure where to start from and how to flow in my thinking since the meaning-making process is still taking place, it is not crystallised yet…maybe it can’t be. I write in a ‘patchwork’ sort of mode, a few paragraphs here and there, without cohesion at first, just trying to put some ideas on paper when they come in my mind and think of some headings for this chapter etc etc. I realise that there is a shift in my mode of being and thinking: so far, the research has been mostly ‘doing things to me’. Now that i have to discuss my research and find ways of expressing my ‘contribution to knowledge’ as a result of doing it, it is me that needs to take a more active role (not that i have been any passive but my immersion has had huge impact in my lived experience)….now it is me that needs to make an impact, to find the gems of what i have been exploring and looking for, like when one finds the ‘diamond’ in the mud and work needs to be done to bring it out, it all its shining…so, having realised that new way of needing to approachmy writing now, ‘the penny dropped’ in some way…but, there is yet another transition taking place in that shift, it is yet another liminal space and am IN it now…things sometimes feel as if one is trying to ‘catch water in a net’…i trust that i will find a flow for this chapter too, i keep going…keep walking…the journey continues…

PhD group supervision, 25.10.08 (my challenges about ‘language’)

atrapos — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 12:34:14 +0000

We had another very ‘rich’ morning today during PhD group supervision, where everybody brings their own research process or questions/dilemmas around our Phds at this moment in time. When my turn came in the group and as i was talking to them, i realised that i am facing the following layes of challenge in terms of language and ‘finding the words for’ in my PhD:

- I am researching a topic about an experience that my participants find hard to find the words for

- many concepts in my research (like ‘culture’, ‘difference’, what are the boundaries between counselling/psychotherapy/counselling psychology and so on) are highly debatable around what they mean, how they could be defined or how they are differently understood in different contexts, in different countries, in different positionings etc…..so, how i use such terms in my writing and what is meant when i use them is also challenging, i sense i constantly have to be ‘careful’ or constantly explaining

- i am writing this PhD in a second language. this matter has not been an issue for me so far……..but i do feel that it is so demanding of me to be attempting to write rigorously and correctly about a topic that is often ‘beyond words’ , something that even native speakers find hard to articulate or find words for….and do that in a second language! Goodness me!!!!

State of ‘enmeshment’…and growing out of it (heuristic process notes)

atrapos — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:07:11 +0000

After spending months of conducting research interviews, reading,’presenting at audiences, discussing about my topic etc, there is a ‘next’ stage now awaiting in the PhD process that has to do with ongoing data analysis, reading, organising writing etc…and what i experience is a deep feeling of ‘enmeshment’, both emotionally and practically speaking. On the one hand i see that this is a ‘normal’ ( i.e. expected) place to be at this stage due to the size of the whole Thesis thing but i also know there is so much more that is going on for me, which has to do with the ‘nature’ of the topic itself and the dynamics it brings up as well as my personal involvement with the ‘meanings’ and dimensions inherent in it. I can observe that in comparison to months ago, i have developed some ‘resilience’ in terms of being able to ‘stay’ and bear those feelings that the PhD topic is raising. But, no matter how difficult or challenging those feelings are, i still need to produce text in the end of the day and give birth to a Thesis that is coherent, rigorous and contributes to the pool of knowledge and sound practice in some ways, a Thesis that engages the reader and can stand rigorously and scholarly enough as a PhD piece. (more…)

Anglo-Saxons and ID development

atrapos — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 12:53:18 +0000

Something that seems to emerge in my PhD research is that many British (or Anglo-Saxon) people i dialogue with in research interveiws and elsewhere appear to have a difficulty in holding into awareness issues related to cultural identity etc. I compare that with my own case where, coming from Greece, a culture thathas been masively invaded and as a result our cultural identity has been repetitively attached and under threat, issues of cultural identity maybe (just maybe) come out more easily and accesible in our process (althouh, still, many of my Greek fellows appear also to be ‘sleepy’ or ignoranmt about this whole area, vaccilating from extreme nationalistic views to total dismiss of heritage or anything relevant in the name of being ‘european’ = good enough). This is a very controversial issue. (more…)

interesting quote (Kincheloe, 2005) – each researcher would produce sth different…

atrapos — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 11:46:30 +0000

In the name of reflexivity as a researcher, i often wonder how somebody else would approach my topic, how another PhD Student would write this Thesis and where i am at with it, what are the factors and processes that affect my vision and choices/decisions i make during the research process. Thinking about that, i came accross this revealing quote below that shows how research is ontologically complex and personal to the person that is conducting it:

“Process-sensitive scholars watch the worls flow by like a river, where the exact contents of the water are never the same. Because all observers view an object of inquiry from their own vantage points in the web of reality, no portrait of a social phenomenon is ever exactly the same as another. Because all physical, social, cultural, psychological and educational dynamics are connected in a larger fabric, researchers will produce different descriptions of an object of inquiry depending on what part of the fabric they have focused – what part of the river they have seen”

Kincheloe, 2005, p 333 and in Denzin and Lincoln (eds), 2005

Blogging as another ‘culture’

atrapos — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 14:22:15 +0000

I have been browsing on several articles about blogging as a research tool and just occured to me that blogging in a culture of it’s own, my blog, is my digital/virtual culture, sth that could represent this liminal space am standing or flying or swimming in as a result of moving between cultures and experiencing all this unsettling and frustration as well as the sense of courage, resilience and expansion. This is an idea i shall build on, keeping myself grounded in the self and what matters (cause the virtual world does not mean that i agree with any virtual reality, of course). More to come on that…

Researcher Reflexivity (paper by Finlay, 2002)

atrapos — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 14:38:27 +0000

I was sent a very thought provoking paper by Ann about reflexivity which triggered my thinking again about the Phd process and the writings am doing at the moment for my two conference presentations in India and Cardiff this year. I am aware of the waves of resistance that come out of me at every stage of the research, sth that seems to be justified by personal regression resulting from my intense involvement with the topic, as suggested also in this article by Finlay (2002) “Outing” the Researcher: The Provenance, Process, and Practice of Reflexivity (see full article here) (more…)

Email dialogue with P.D.A: Greek national transgenerational PTSD…

atrapos — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 10:55:10 +0000

I have been having a very interesting conversation via email with P.D.A who i met at a conference in Greece in November 2006. He is a counsellor of mixed heritage (one parent is Greek and the other Austrian I think) and he has spend periods living in other countries. We reflected on culture and cultural identity, cross-cultural relationships etc and how we find those elements affecting counselling practice etc. What is mostly interesting is this mutual diagnosis of a kind of national transgenerational PTSD (Post-traumatic stress dis.) triats that seem to charcterise our Greek nation, resulting from historical and ‘personality’ reactions of the nation. Here i record some of our dialogue: (more…)

Myself as research participant

atrapos — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 17:36:22 +0000

As I am thinking about the choice of Heuristic Research as methodological stance for my PhD, I can see more and more the importance of reflexivity and acquiring a perspective and way of being at all stages of the research where i can find a balance between my ‘own story’ of the phenomenon I am exploring and that of the co-researchers. (more…)

Implications of PhD for counsellor training (reading Lynch, 2002)

atrapos — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 18:36:41 +0000

One of the motivators of conducting this research has been to gain some insight around the ‘fit; of transferability of counsellor training from one country to another, given that many counsellors who train abroad may be returning to their homeland, sometimes to be pioneers in counsellor training at their original culture, especially if counselling in the original culture is a new filed (like in my case, Greece). The question is that there must be a need for considering the fit between host and original cultural context. For example, (more…)

Interviews so far (reflections…”How to” from now on?)

atrapos — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 19:20:05 +0000

I feel the need to write down a brief summary of all the interviews i have done so far to get a clearer view of the broader picture.Here we are: (more…)

Interview with Abd. 20.6.2007

atrapos — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 17:06:51 +0000

Last week William introduced me to a colleague who is visiting the UK for a short period, after having immigrated to Canada (host culture) and working there as a therapist. This was such a unique opportunity to interview him for the research. We arranged to have an interview today. I feel amazed by how powerful a research interview can be, even when it is with somebody that you meet for the first time. So much rich data came out of the encounter and i feel enriched by it (although I notice that i tend to feel quite exhausted and hungry, after conducting a research interview…i guess it’s cause it involves deep processing and level of engaging). I wish i could dedicate time to hear the recording today and make notes about it but i know that i need to stay focused on preparing the panel presentation so, i have to postpone that for later. (more…)

Listening on interview recordings

atrapos — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 17:58:13 +0000

I spent most of the morning/afternoon today listening on the recording of the research interview with M. and remembered what an engaging process that is. I know that doing verbatim transcription is far more tiring…but listening to the tape and also keeping notes with a reflexive attitude is also very demanding (and interesting process). I think a good point to keep in mind is that a researcher may be ‘catching’ into awareness different nuances each time he/she listens to the recording – depending on ‘where’ one is at that particular moment. Also. i have a sense that location place a role for some reason, maybe more so in my case where I am researching ‘culture’. (more…)

Interview with M.

atrapos — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 17:46:59 +0000

I did a research interview with participant M. today to pilot the interview schedule (from fresh) as i have prepared it for the review panel proposal. Thw whole process flew really well, i enjoyed it and felt that there is a lot of interesting data in there. Soon after the ineterview, I listened carefully to the tape and made notes about the process and the interaction and also recorded the main themes and ideas drawn from the interviewee’s responses, to capture the initial ‘feel’. I do not have the time to do the fully detailed verbatim transcript right now but i produced a 6-page ‘summary’ document for this interview as ‘individual depiction’ in heuristic terms, whilst also recording some significant quotes using the participant’s actual words (tried to keep close to M’s own words when writing up my notes anyway). I emailed those ‘filednotes’ to my supervisor and his comments were very positive actually. I have to go back and do a bit more work on my proposal now, also need to finalise the other documents required for the panel and print them off for William to sign before submission to Debbie on Friday.

I sent my process notes about the intreview with M. to William, with the following note on my email:

“ i did an interviw with M. yesterday to pilot the interview schedule i recently prepated…it was really so interesting but also engaging…deep process, it exhausted me but also inspired me…..difficult to differentiate the different dynamics within (my relationship to the topic, my personhood,my counsellor in me, the researcher…and hearing another Greek talking about all this)… you re right: the professional impact also brought up the personal stuff,big way…and of course the two greeks doing the interview when in England brings up so much…..everything is data, how wonderful and owverwhelming at the same time…i feel on edge but also touched and moved,loads going on”
and he responded by saying:

“This is interesting data and PhDable. I thought about Pittu’s Esatern/western dimesnions and how you Greeks seemed to be at the eastern end of his table and then Marina uses a metaphor that Pittu used in his last meetign and interview with me – Chameleon.”

Good to have the blog space to record all this

Observing people…vision changes

atrapos — Fri, 11 May 2007 13:44:47 +0000

I just came back to the UK after my brief travel to ‘homeland’ and as i came out this morning, i see my vision and perception of the surroundings changing…it feels as if the move from one cultural environment to another is sharpening up the way we view the world, there is a different kind of ‘sensitivity’ I am experiencing which i cannot easily put into words. Both England and Greece are two countries that I have immersed in, in different ways…as i have mentioned before, none of those feels like ‘home’, I am existing more in a ‘liminal space’, thriving for some sort of integration, which i tacitly know i cannot force… (more…)

About using ‘mother tongue’, teaching ‘Greek-home’ audience, ‘re-entry’ anxieties etc

atrapos — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 13:03:17 +0000

I will soon teach a workshop titled “Cross-cultural counselling and the therapeutic relationship: exploring our cultural selves and cultivating cross-cultural empathy”.This will be my first teaching experience in my home country as a counsellor and interestingly enough i hold a lot of anxieties around that: How will the Greeks perceive me? How will I manage to teach in my first language when am so used to operate within my counselling role in english for years now? What sort of reactions will the topic of ‘culture’ provoke to the Greek colleagues? How will i be seen by the organisers, the Greek person-centred training institution?…I just realised that “what used to be my own/native culture is a whole new culture for me” !!! and i have so much anxiety around operating ‘within’ it…It is as if I have become a stranger, a foreigner in my own ‘home-land’…. This realisation, although anxiety-provoking, is quite interesting from a research point of view… (more…)

Transcribing Research Interviews

atrapos — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 10:59:47 +0000

I realise that transcribing research interviews is a very involving, consuming process…not easy to do. It is very engaging and takes me to deep emotional places, given that what a participant may say can raise a number of responses given my involvement to the topic. Like i do when I am counselling, i need to be aware of my own process so that i can own it and allow all the space for the participant’s story. My own story is also data but i have to e able to use the one to inform the other. I know there is interesting stuff around that on Kvale’s book about Qualitative Interviewing. I also found at interesting article about the importance of transcription quality. See abstract here

My friends talking about the experience of living in the UK and whether to return or not return back ‘home’

atrapos — Sun, 08 Apr 2007 11:49:27 +0000

I spent Easter day with 7 greek friends of mine here in Manchester. We had arranged to meet and cook together ‘greekstyle’, as a way of connecting with our own culture whilst being abroad. We spent the whole day together, from early afternoon until late at night. There were a lot of converations during the whole day around our lives in the UK, the way our move abroad has impacted the relationships with the family back to Greece, the ways that personal relationships have developed, our work/study opportunities, the dilemmas around returning or not returning back to our home country, which does not feel like ‘home’ anymore…there were many emotions in the atmosphere and some of us admitted that they felt quite exhausted at the end of the day, as a result of discussing about those issues. (more…)

Blogging and Self-Disclosure

atrapos — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 15:01:20 +0000

I ve been bulding up this blog for a few weeks now but have noticed a resistance in me about making it public. Is there something around self-disclosure that provokes that? Although, as a counsellor having gone through therapy, am used to ‘revealing’ aspects of myself, so it’s something often taken for granted in the counselling world…

I think, it’s time for the blog to get public and for me to overcome my kind of ‘reserved’ side…or have I become ‘too English’ by now? (more…)