It has been a while that i havent written in this blog. I am so absorbed into thesis writing during those last months of the PhD that anything else that involves producing text has been left behind…a have managed to produce a lengthy draft of the Discussion Chapter which is the ‘juice’ of the research, it has not been easy journey but am glad that i have done it. I am aware that many changes will take place, a lot of editing etc. I am lucky to have some people offering to read bits of my writing and offer feedback. Some even get so stimulated by my subject that ask to meet me and discuss their ideas etc. A university lecturer in counselling at a University in a city near by even asked my permission to use my writings (when complete) for training and supervision purposes. These are really nice reactions from those colleagues, they make me feel that my work is making a contribution and am full of ideas of what i want to do with it all when Phd gets complete…but, have to get it done first!! so…am now starting a new chapter tomorrow…it may be a while till i post something in this space…but, it will all gradually come together

I am very excited about being invited to run a session for the Kenyan visiting students and the taught doctorate counselling students that wish to join is next Wednesday here at Manchester University! I will bring my blog to an audience and offer my insights so far about how a blog like this can be used for the purposes of qualitative research. I was thinking that this ‘virtual space’ can actually be more useful for those who are doing distance learning or those who reseive supervsion from afar, amongst other reasons. I will be interested to hear the reactions/feedback from the African students in particular, as related to their context back in Kenya:

1. Would such a medium be appealing to them?
2. Would it be compatible with their culture-specific values towards learning or conducting research studies?
3. Is internet a medium they use widely for their training programmes and what sort of communication is mostly adopted in a more ‘collectivist’ context?

These are some of my few questions and am looking forward to meeting the group. As for my preparation for the session, i have downloaded and printed off a few very interesting papers about the use of blogs in research and in HE. I have been rehearsing my input in my head and all seems very interesting to me, i take time to reflect on my own use of this blog too, as triggered of this invitation to work with this group.

I have been struggling in my writing with the idea that a PhD chapter cannot get to a stage of completion or coherence in order to move to a next one, i seem to start and stop several writings at the same time, having to return to them numerous times too and getting frustrated with the feeling of  costant ‘incomplteteness’ that fills me with anxiety…that state of ‘flux’ and ‘limbo’ is of course a central theme in the whole phenomenon i am exploring and in the research process.

I went to see my supervisor, seeking his guidance for me to move away from that kind of ‘trap’. And here he came talking to me about this being a natural process that is best to accept and embrace than resist, something that he describes with a new english word for me: ITERATION. This is apparently a concept used in Maths and Computer Programming to describe “the act of repeating a process usually with the aim of approaching a desired goal or target or result”. So, i was advised that, at this stage of my attempt to draft a whole of a PhD Thesis, i need to have the patience and useful attitude to be ‘repeating’ parts of the process or move around several parts and constantly add the changes that emerge through the process of writing, till reaching a point that the thesis will ‘hand together’ as a good enough whole. That has been happening anyway in all my projects of academic writing so far…but, i am now taking a new, grounded stance of acceptance and embrace for it…encouraging myself for all these ‘re-visits’ upon my text…till i complete…and, as it is usually true for the therapy process: “a client is ready to complete therapy when he/she realised that it can actually go on for ever”…so, there is the broader issue here about creativity and finding one’s way to express it, knowing that there are several attempts till producing something that sits comfortable…and, although that can be on-going, there is also a point that the writing will have to stop, and that will be ok, at least for the purposes of a PhD

Toway we had the first group supervision session for the new academic year…i really feel restless now with the PhD, i want to complete and move to the next phase of my life. At the same time, i know i will miss the group here and also, there are many decisions to be made BUT…i need to take things step by step and thesis writing shall be my priority. When it was time for my ’share’ today in the group, i showed them a short video i have prepared of myself speaking in front of a camera when interviewed for some project about two years ago, i call this video: “Speaking my Voice: Snapshots of my cross-cultural experience”. I discussed with my supervisor and the group about seeing this as a way of demonstrating the auto-ethnographic flavour of my research and they thought that it was very good idea, they enjoyed watching it (about 7.5 mins long) and in there, i reflect on some of the themes in the Thesis, it shows also my reflexivity. I also discussed my bit of concerns around ’self-exposure’ but in any case, there is a lot of ‘me’ in the thesis and my audience is not large anyway, i am now writing having the examiners in mind as my audience and reflecting on that. Will leave it there for now…so much writing still ahead but am kind of seeing the ‘end of the tunnel’, will get there!

am very busy with so many things these days and time flies so quikly! PhD writing is still hard but am making some progress, the more i go into it the more i discover. A shift that has happened now that i am writing the Discussion chapter, which feels like the hardest so far, is that i start identifying and seeing more clearly the useful practical implications emerging from my research, aside making a great contribution to knowledge/Literature on a topic where literature is actually limited or too fragmented….so, over last weekend and during this week, i have been contemplating on the different ways i can generate work for me, after the PhD, and offer a lot of what comes out in my research and personal experience in the form or workshops, training material, writing papers and so on…that filled me with feelings of both excitement and fear, like it usually happens when one finds his/her niche or calling of what he/she can contribute to, out there, where there is a need….the important thing is to stay grounded with what i have to complete in the present, whilst taking steps (maybe i can dedicate one day a week in planning and organising material for my future career possibilities, once i complete the PhD) towards what i want to build upon, as a basis for the future step…part of me is in the present, part in the future, i need to keep a balance and use my energy resources wisely. I am aware that i feel physically, emotionally and intelectually tired so, looking after myself is crucial at this stage.