It is a few weeks now that i have been trying to write a chapter that i will place before the methodology one in my Thesis, where i present ‘my own story’ in relation to how it links to the PhD topic, given that i am very much ‘data’ of what i am researching and my lived experience of the inquiry is inevitably influencing all the stages of the research process, from chosing the topic itself to my interaction and meaning-making of the data and the writing style. I find this a difficult section to write, i start and stop and find myself facing numerous decisions around who am i writing what for, how far do i go with self-disclosure and what are the motives around that, what is relevant and what is not and so on. … Read more »

I used my time during the PhD group supervision today to clarify where am at in relation to the research and the writing process. I have acknowledged some dynamics that i have with my interview data that relates to what i understand as ‘hidden agenda’ which leads to certain things not being articulated and leaves me feeling frustrated with it. My supervisor highlighted the importance to see that as part of the phenomenon am exploring and write about it. I have also spoken about how i feel in relation to my sense of power in the role of researcher and this raised a rich conversation in the group about voice, decisions and our positioning as researchers and authors. In terms of writing, i have so far received positive feedback from 4 readers of my methodology chapter (my 2 supervisors and 2 friends/colleagues) which is a good start; however i need to be steadily progressing with it as it will take long. I am aware that i need to be ready to write a certain part, in a heuristic study, and cannot force the process, although the PhD clock keeps ticking. We have agreed with my supervisors that completion will very possibly take longer and that is something to accept and make good use of the time ahead…am not the only one after all!

I have established a routine in relation to the PhD work to help me structure my day in a way that this is actually my F/T job and am treating the writing process as such. However, although i spend hours in front of the screen or with papers etc, there are actually baby steps towards producing my thesis, my pace is not as i would like to – i know that this is due to the fact that i am processing things and also, now that i am trying to write the auto-biographical section i will include before the methodology chapter, i see that i am kind of regressing and resisting it due to the emotions that it provokes. However, when sharing this with my supervisor earlier today, i heard myself telling him that i am seeing this as a kind of  ‘cleansing’ process almost, it seems that i need to write my story first before i immerse to the data again and work on the participants’ stories. I wished i could do all that at a quicker pace but am trying to be patient…the Heuristic process is highly engaging and demanding and cannot be forced…the baby takes time to grow so i am being a kind, nurturing ‘mother’ to my thesis

I went to a birthday party last night where there were a few students who either have recently completed theis Phds or are in the process of completing and had very fruitful conversations with them about the writing up process…none of them had finished within the original deadline and that was reassuring, especially for qualitative studies. we also talked about the important of self and time management and acknowledges that life events or health related issues do get on the way at times and it is good to be patient with that and allow oursleves for ‘recovery periods’ too. Hopefully i will find the specialist needed to treat my tooth as soon as possible, in the meantime am doing as much as i can, when the painkillers tame the toothache that causes headache too, and i see that ‘every little counts’ towards the end result of the thesis. I notice that i cant be away from it cause if i am losing touch then it is hard to get attuned with it again…so, am taking small steps at present and am sure that will conytibute to my working longer hours when i am stronger, i am positive that it will all go well, i was even telling to a colleague yesterday  that i  want to be coming towards ‘loving’ my thesis now, rather that be in a battle with it, due to the stress and the challenges it entails!

I arranged to have supervision with my other supervisor today. I informed her about the health situation that it is taking time off my studies and she re-assured me that if i need more time, the Univ takes into account such situations. I also talked with the School’s administrator and she gave me some info about PhD students having the option to go for ‘submission pending’ period if they reach their offical deadline but require more time to submit. This is good in terms of not getting too stressed out and having this affecting my work, i definitely cannot write properly if i feel i am in a race and also i need to be ‘compassionate’ towards myself, when i have a health issue to deal with cause it is a priority anyway! … Read more »