Trip to New York, December 2006

This was another ‘cultural shock’, that of a city which seemed to be out of this world, or maybe represents what matters in this era…money, consumerism, crowds, speed…its like a world in a bubble which is so shiny and sparkly from the outside and yet so empty in the inside. It feels so different from the experience of my trip to India during the summer, as if the two places are in a different planet, as if the creatures that inhabit them are of a different make-up. I spent considerable time thinking about this…when in New York, I constantly felt as if the place has no aura, no spirit…as if there isn’t any vibe that touches me inside. On the other hand, when in India, I felt overwhelmed by the aura in the atmosphere, although still shocking at times, when you see the massive contrast of wealth’s distribution.

Am wondering whether am exaggerating really…but, what I know is that this NY city made me feel so small and exhausted. At first I was impressed by seeing in front of me all that I had taken a flavour of through films and TV…as the days passed by, it felt like that place was mad, it looked like there was no ‘stop’ anywhere. I sensed the loneliness in the crowds that were passing by, as the hours pass by without noticing…I felt the inner urge to retreat from all that and stay alone for a few hours, sit and listen to the process inside. I have been exposed to so much material, so many pictures, sounds, symbols…what do all these mean into my core, how are they printed, interpreted, sensed?

Moments of silence are necessary…in a parallel, I think of the moments of silence in the counselling room…how cold and innerving they might be but also how meaningful and profoundly healing they may be experienced…am thinking of the speed of thoughts when one is distressed, and the painful loneliness that may exist even when in company, when emotional and spiritual contact is paradoxically absent….the height of the buildings here…the tiny-ness of humans…and yet all these are creations of humans…out of scale…to prove what? One’s power? One’s wealth? Why size has become so important?

am sure there are others who wold say that NY is great…maybe it is but not for my taste really…it didnt touch me inside…as if it was a non-cultured territory…althogh even that, is a culture on its own right